Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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