You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
