you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
