i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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