Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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