Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
