Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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