I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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