i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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