ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
