I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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