That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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