Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
