you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize