everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
