I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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