i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
