I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
