Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
