i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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