this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
