____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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