you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize