For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
