guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
