i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
