Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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