She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
