Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
