your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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