i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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