areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
