So drunk its hurt
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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