Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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