so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
