I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
