im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
