That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
