I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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