Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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