Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
