If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
