Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
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I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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