Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
