you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
