I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I need water and some morals
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
