This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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