Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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