"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
