My liver just broke up with me...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
is wine microwaveable?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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