so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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