What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
