Welp...herpes.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
