Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
