2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
