Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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