It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
