the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
