I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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