Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im about as happy as oj after his trial
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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