the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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