mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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