bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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